Damn… Why’d my cool dump me ?

August 31, 2011 - Tips To Meet Women
Damn…  Why’d my cool dump me ?

Bonjour folks..  this seams like the first time in an age I’m actually writing a real life post.  For the last few weeks I’ve been relying on my stock posts.  I’ve been spending a lot of time tinkering with the site recently so I have been neglecting my role as host… but today seems as good as any to get back ON IT.

Today’s inspiration came from a discovery I made about myself about an unconscious self-destructive mindset that I posses.  To give you some understanding of my mindset…  I regularly date multiple women and for 95% of the time pretty much nothing ever phases me..  I’m chanti as a Hindi would say, however…  once in a while I’ll meet a girl and that goes out the Window.  As soon as these feelings kick-in  unconsciously my ‘cool’ diminishes.

For me this does not mean I turn into Wussboy, e.g. being more available,  being weak, calling all the time, trying to impress her…  I go the other way…  I’ll start to EXPECT her to behave to a PERFECT STANDARD that I think someone who could be a potential girlfriend SHOULD act.  When a girl doesn’t live up to this imaginary standard.. (THAT SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT) I start to get frustrated, doubting and even worried because she’s not living up to these standards.  As soon as I start doing this on reflect I can see myself becoming more blunter, harder and short tempered with the girl.  As soon as this triggered been flipped I struggle to act how I normally do and just go with the flow and until now I’ve never really thought about why it happens.. let alone how to stop it.

So why the hell am I sharing this with with you..  simple…  to try and stop you from shooting yourself in the foot with women.  For me I’m unconsciously self-destructing relationships with women.. and YOU might be doing the same!  If you read a lot of the material out there…  most advice will say you can’t FAKE being cool.. and it’s true.. if you loose your cool in a situation you can’t ACT it..  your actions, behaviours, characteristics, topiucs of conversations will all be affected.  This change in your persona is going to change the dynamics of the relationship and in the worst examples cause the relationship fizzle out…  I’ve learnt this from hard personal experience ! My adivce to you is to start trying to solve your own demons ASAP because for each one you concern your success with women will also increase.

A lot of the advice I have found about over coming Inner Game issues are quite wolly and not very practical.  I like practical actions rather than hoping the issue will go away..  so below details how I’m planning on tackling this issue in the hopes it might also benefit you…

  1. Write it down.  Doing this really helps me to clarify exactly what the issue is.  I normally re-write the issue down a few times to get better clarity on it
  2. Be conscious I have an issue and notice when it occurs and what triggers it
  3. When these feeling get triggered appreciated that I’m setting my expectations within someone else’s boundary.   No one is EVER going to live up to my perfect standards and all I’m doing is causing myself suffering.  (If you have read any of Dr Pauls material about mature power this gets covered there)
  4.  Journal all the output from steps 2 & 3…  BREATH… and realize…  nothing will always work out the way I want it to…  I love my life and theres plenty more fun to be had :)
  5. This is definitely the most action…  go out with other women.  When I know I have options it completely puts everything back into PERSPECTIVE.  You start to realize there’s no point in sweating the small stuff and just sit back and enjoy the ride




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